ESPN's Bottom Line Widget

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Champagne Kisses and Caviar Dreams....not so much for this idiot.

I recently read an article in the Chicago Tribune about a man named Wayne who was caught burglarizing a townhouse in Grant Park. I would like to share it with you…

Here are my top seven reasons why this article is the BEST:

7. The scene of the crime is described having, “…beer bottles scattered about, an empty pizza box and a strong odor of fish…” Ew.

6. The townhouse owner’s Mom believes that her son would never leave his house is such disarray. Lady, you’re CRAZY! Have you ever witnessed a guy throwing out his empty pizza box or recycling his beer bottles right after he finishes them? Anyone? There is AT LEAST a two day grace period before anything gets put in their proper container. Sorry Mom.

5. While police were investigating the scene…I REPEAT…while police were investigating the scene this moron was spotted peeking into a window of the townhouse. Really?

4. Wayne left behind a hospital bracelet with his name on it and then GAVE the name that matched the one on the bracelet. Again, REALLY? I don’t plan on burglarizing anyone’s townhouse anytime soon, but if I did I would at least know NOT to give my real name.

3. This is one of my favorites. When he was caught he was wearing a fur, jeans, and a sweatshirt that belonged to the owner. Here is the more important question: Why does the owner have a fur?

2. Police say that, besides drinking beer and eating pizza, Wayne, “…used the owner’s computer and left lobster thawing in the fridge.” I mean at least he knew to thaw it, right?

Before I reveal the number one reason why this article is the best, you may be thinking to yourself, “But Dana, I thought you started this blog to write about sports. How is this sports related?” Well my loyal followers it all ties together….







1. The number one reason this article is the best is…he stole from the GM of the White Sox, Kenny Williams. HA!

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